This is one of my favorite scenes from A Hard Day's Night, which is my favorite Beatles film. I have it transcribed here so that you can read it and have a giggle. Enjoy!
PAUL, JOHN, RINGO, and GEORGE file into the riding compartment and sit down. PAUL looks over at the little old man as if to say, "Everything all right?" and gets to looking out the window. GEORGE notices the little old man and elbows RINGO, who takes notice and elbows JOHN.
JOHN (leaning over towards PAUL)
Hey, pardon me for asking, but who's that little old man?
Uh, what little old man?
JOHN (indicating the man next to PAUL)
That little old man.
Oh that one, that's my grandfather.
That's not your grandfather.
It is, you know.
But I've seen your grandfather, he lives in your house.
Oh that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather as well.
How do you reckon that one out?
Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they? And this is my other one.
We know that, but what's he doing here?
Well, my mother thought the trip would do him good.
He's nursing a broken heart.
Oh. Poor old thing. (to GRANDFATHER) Hey mister, are you nursing a broken heart? (GRANDFATHER looks at JOHN with a sneer) (to PAUL) He's a nice old man, isn't he?
JOHN (moving to sit beside GRANDFATHER)
JOHN (to PAUL)
He can talk then, can he?
Of course he can talk, he's a human being isn't he?
Well, if he's your grandfather who knows-- hahahahaha. (this is received with a pitying, almost dirty look from PAUL)
JOHN (to PAUL)
And we're looking after him, are we?
I look after meself.
PAUL (standing up)
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
He's got you worried, then?
PAUL (combing his hair in front of a tiny mirror on the wall)
Yep! He's a villain, a real mixer. And he'll cost you a fortune in breach-of-promise cases.
PAUL (as he sits back down)
No, straight up.
SHAKE (distributing rolls and cola)
You getting on all right then?
SHAKE (disappointed, then recovering)
Oh. Well, we're here, and Norm will be along in a minute with the tickets. (noticing) Hey, who's the little old man?
It's Paul's grandfather.
Oh I, uh, thought, ah…
JOHN (looking at GRANDFATHER)
No, that's his other one.
Oh that's all right then.
JOHN (still looking at GRANDFATHER)
Clean though, isn't he?
Oh, why, he's very clean.
Hi, Norm, etc.
Good, you're all here. Now look, I've had a marvelous idea. Just for once, let's all try to behave like ordinary respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any strokes, or do anything I'm gonna be sorry for. Especially in that television theatre. Becau-- (stops short, noticing JOHN fooling around, "sniffing" the Pepsi bottle) Are you listening to me, Lennon?
JOHN (looking up)
You're a swine. (to GEORGE) Isn't he, George?
GEORGE (eating a roll)
You're a swine.
Thanks. (noticing) Hey,
ALL (in imperfect unison)
Who's that little old man?
Well, who is he?
He belongs to Paul.
NORM (with a verbal shrug)
Oh, well. I'm going down to have a cup of coffee. Anyone coming?
We'll follow you down.
GRANDFATHER (standing up)
I want me coffee!
Well, you can come with Shake and me if you like.
Look after him! I don't want to find you've lost him.
Don't be cheeky! I'll bind him to me with promises. (looks at GRANDFATHER, and then back at group) Very clean, isn't he? Come 'ead, Granddad. (they exit)
Copyright ©1999-2006 Winona Patterson.